I am infuriated by the fact that I am supposed to have a camera today (technically mine for 3-4 damn days) but then for some unknown reasons the person who's supposed to bring it here, didn't. I feel sick. I just don't wanna see that person's face ever again, damn him to hell. Not having a camera is really frustrating and irritating.

That's not the only reason for the BV aura surrounding me right now. I mean that's not the very reason. I keep on remembering things that I should not, things that I tried my hardest to forget. I sound like some desperate girl, but I think I am not. I just can't accept the fact that I promised myself not to fall hard because I know this stuff's coming but then I just can't seem to control myself. He's being an idiot all the time and I have to look after him. The worst is he knows about what I feel but then not a word came from him, not a single word. This feels harder than rejections. He just doesn't give a damn about what other people feel.

Usually when this kind of thing comes, there'll be people to comfort me and since I haven't mentioned this to anyone, I'll be suffering alone for a while. Well I want to, but I can't seem to find someone to trust. No, I have a lot of people to trust, but I am afraid of what's next, how will they react? Will they get mad? or what. Actually, those people whom I used to share this kind of stuff is very far now. I feel alienated. People around me are so judgmental, I won't exclude myself though, and it just feel awkward. Ugh. I never though liking someone is this frustrating.