Responsibility/ies is a very big and heavy word for me. This is one of the very few things I fear the most. Truth be told, I am a very happy-go-lucky person. I do things randomly and I rarely plan or even try foreseeing the outcome of my actions. If not randomly, I do things according to what I think is right without even consulting others and most of the time, I get into big trouble because of that. And the worst, I am a very lazy person. I am a self-proclaimed procrastinator by profession. It's so nice to be me. NOT.

In a group, I NEVER wanted to be a leader. I mean when it comes to the work load and the pressure, nah. I wouldn't dare. Being a leader is such a very hard position to fill in. You have to ensure that your members work and not just work, they have to do tasks assigned to them correctly. And you have to make sure that the output or the final product is according to what you guys planned it to be.

A leader should be open-minded and an optimist, characteristics that I do not posses. A leader should openly accept ideas and criticisms from the members and non-members of the group or else, the group might not function or work well. A leader should be an optimist, thinking that in every task that they do will surely be a success. It's ironic how I can think of these kinds of stuff while I haven't experienced it. That's just how great the human mind is, I guess.

Enough of that. I, as a member of a group or the society itself, lacks this sense of responsibility. I can't even take the blame for some misfortunes I caused, so yeah. Well technically, it's not that I lack it, because everyone has this 'sense of responsibility' but some people, like myself, just doesn't know how to utilize it, it's just that I am afraid of the outcome. I mean I am afraid of what will happen if ever I take the said responsibility. There are a lot of 'what if's' in my mind that I can't seem to avoid popping in. This is how much I do not trust myself. I do not trust my powers or capabilities to do something because I do not know the limit of what I can do. I mean, I do not know up to what percentage of something I cannot do. I expected myself to exert a 75% but sadly saying I can only do up to 50-60%. Just something like that.

And then again, my mind's clouded with so much thoughts. I don't know if this blog post is still sane. Hahaha! The hell. I'm hungry and I'm to lazy to go out and eat. ~*ofcourseyoudon'tcareboutthat*~ And I'll just have to end this randomly arranged post. And I do hope I made some sense here or else my efforts in typing will just be wasted. XD