Kanina, hindi ko alam kung anong i-eexpect ko. Kung ano bang gagawin dun, kung ano bang susuoting ko, kung papano ako magsusurvive kasi wala akong camera, kung papano kami pupunta dun, kung sino-sino makikita ko at sobrang madami pang iba. Syempre, isa-isa yang nasagot habang tumatagal yung araw. Hindi man maganda yung kasagutan sa iba, eh okay pa rin.

Kanina, nagising ako ng 10:57. Nah, mas maaga pa dyan ng konti pero tinamad ako tumayo. Nag burger ako then naligo. Ang tagal nun. Nagbihis ako. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong isusuot ko, sa totoo lang. Pero nagshorts ako (kasi wala akong pantalon kanina), yung favorite kong blouse na puti, tsaka nagVans. Halos 1 oras ako nagbibihis, sa totoo lang. Umalis ako sa bahay 12:40 na ata or 12:50, basta dating ko sa 7-eleven which is yung meeting place namin mga 1 na. Nandun na sina Justine, Tara at Joanne. Naghihintay sila ni Kuya JC sa labas pagdating ko. Sina Hannah at Fel nalang. 20-30 minutes namin sila hinintay pero sa totoo lang almost 1 hour na sila Joanne dun at 40-50 minutes sina Justine at Tara. Great. Nakakahiya kasi ihahatid pala kami. Whoah, at hindi ako nasabihan tungkol dun. Pero ayos lang. Siningil kami ng 40 sayang kasi gas. 1 hour naka-on makina ng sasakyan at nag-iintay.

Pagdating namin sa WTC, na-shock sila, ako hindi. Ang dami kasing cosplayer sa labas palang. Akala mo naman kasi hindi nakapunta sa AME last year or sa iba pang cosplay event. Ganun din naman dun. Tapos dun palang, nakita ko na sina Ryl, si Kuya Recca at si Yuuki. Nung una hindi ko lang sila pinansin, di ako nagpakita kasi iniisip ko kung makikita nila ako. Ang galing, si Kuya Recca nakakita sakin. Na-tats ako. Plus, kilala pa ako ni Yuuki! Oha oha! Nung una na-shy pa ako sa kanilang dalawa, si Ryl lang niloko-loko ko. Eh naalala ko bigla "Uyy! May utang ka pang libre sakin!" Sabay turo ko kay Kuya Recca, natawa lang siya eh sabay sabi "Ay oo nga pala." Tawa nalang kami. Nagbye sila kasi may hahanapin pa sila. Edi pumasok na kami dun.

Nakaka-shock. Pagpasok namin, nakita ko sila ulit nandun. Hahaha! This time, kasama si Ate Celine! Aba'y chix AT naka-cosplay! Nagpapicture kami. :"> Tapos sa likuran namin may dalawang GWAPO. Yes, gwapo talaga. ♥ Naka-cosplay ng Sasuke at Gray Fullbuster. Aba'y mga bare-chested ang cosplay. 8D Dun nagsimula yung stalking ko nung araw na iyon. >:D Pero sa may entrance hall palang 'to wala pa dun sa mismo. Pagpasok na talaga dun sa mismo, eh hindi ako makahinga. Ang dami kasing tao, siksikan. Yeahbah! Pero keri, hala sige! Lakad!

Kinuha ko yung camera ni Hannah. Nakakahiya man, ako na yung gumamit. So sige larga. Nung una, nahihiya pa ako magpicture at magpa-picture. Sa totoo lang, shy-type talaga ako sa mga hindi ko kilala tsaka nag-eenjoy ako sa scenery. Charot! Pero ito kasing si Joanne ang sabi ba naman "Eh kung nagpipicture nalang kayo imbis na puro stop-over? Edi ang dami niyong ma-pipicture-an?" Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako sa kanya o matatawa eh. Pero sa huli, both. Meh. So edi nag-ikot ikot kami. Ang daming beses niya kaming iniwan, at ang daming beses namin siya iniwan. XD Pero yung super first picture eh POGI. XD "Kuya, excuse me, pwede pong magpicture?" So nakatingin siya sakin (malamang) tapos nagpose, then smile. *click* Aba'y ang pogi niya talaga. Isama mo pa yung Kuya niya. :> Tapos tinulak ko si Fel magpapicture nun. At dun ko binuhay ang inner monster (de joke lang yun) ni Fel.

Sa almost 3-4 hours naming pag-iikot ang dami kong nakitang OSOM na cosplayers at ang dami kong nakitang friends. Meh. Cosplayers na super gaganda't sexy at pogi't hawwwt. ♥ Lawl. Tapos ang astig ng soundtrip, malamang mga OST ng anime pero ang astig lang nung karaoke eh! Next AME sasali na talaga ako! \m/ Nakita ko sina Ryl, Kuya Recca, Ate Celine, Brother, Ate Shin, Ate Aikey at Kuya Ryan. Sila lang ata, di ko na matandaan. STML! Tapos ang dami talagang sexxxy eh. Si Kuya Sasuke (yung mentioned earlier), si Kuya BRS tsaka si Ate Labas-Yung-Powder Pink-Na-Bra. Hahaha! Shet lang!

Sa lahat ng cosplayers, si Kuya Death the Kid yung memorable. :"> Liban sa cute at pogi siya, eh lagi namin siyang na-eencounter. Nung una nasa labas kami nun. Nagpapahangin tsaka pahinga. Dumaan lang siya samin tapos napagtripan picture-an kasi nga si Kid. 1-2-3-4-5-6 naka-anim atang picture nun. Lawl. Second, eh sa loob. Yun yung first na nginitian namin 'ko' siya. >:) Hanggang sa sunod-sunod na tapos isang time, nagpa-picture si Fel kasama siya. Tapos yung last eh nung si Tara at Justine na. Nung una hindi nila (Hannah, Fel at Joanne) na-realize na siya rin yun. Eh ako tumawa. Nasa-isip ko "Hindi pa kaya nagsasawa si Kuya sa muka namin?" Natawa rin siya nung nakita nga kami! Meh, recognized niya face. >:D Pero before that, every time talaga na nakakasalubong namin siya, nagsmile siya. :""> Sweet.

Sa araw na 'to sukdulan na kapal ng muka ko. Para sa pagpapa-picture (mostly) eh ako yung tumatawag. Sila kasama sa picture, ako photographer, ako tatawag. Pero ayos lang. :D Pero ang grabe e may nakita akong nag-yuyuri sa gilid! HAHAHAHA! Eh nakita ko may nagpipicture, kasama nila. Dapat at a safe-distance lang ako, kasi ganun ako pag stolen. Napansin nila! Tawa ako ng tawa nun eh! Sabi nung mga kasama nila isa pa daw! :))) Nahiya sila pero go. So nagpose eh may isang kasama nila inangat kamay nung isang girl, tinapat sa boobs ni Ate. Nahiya ng bongga yung dalawa, tawa ng tawa! XD Hanggang sa nagpose nalang talaga sila, tumawa ako nagthank you at umalis ng nag-evil laugh at ngiting tagumpay! >:) Sayang nga eh, walang nagyayaoi.

Somebody texted me a while ago. I was an unknown number so I asked who it was. He said he was "Someone I do not want to hear from." At first I didn't actually know it was him. The next message confirmed it. I know how he types, I just know. But then I dunno why, I pretended I never knew. I kept on asking. I want him to reveal himself. I want him to tell me that it's him. But I eventually gave up. I was curious. In the second message he sent me, he asked me if he could ask me something.

Temptation killed me. With the question he fired at me, I was shocked. "What did I do wrong?", he asked. I don't know what to answer, he did nothing wrong. I am always wrong. I stepped down, I stopped pretending and answered "Nothing." It feels awkward and I feel so broken. All this time I was here cursing him to death. Blaming him for everything. But he was concern. He wanted whatever we are losing back. It just hurts me too much. It was not him who tried to let go of our promise, it was me. I was so fuckin' selfish.

He wanted to start-over, he said. I dunno. It's not that I trust him. I do, but less. But I do no trust myself. I may be too selfish and insensitive at times and things might be over before we even realized it, completely.

I just don't know how to react. I don't know what to feel anymore.

Responsibility/ies is a very big and heavy word for me. This is one of the very few things I fear the most. Truth be told, I am a very happy-go-lucky person. I do things randomly and I rarely plan or even try foreseeing the outcome of my actions. If not randomly, I do things according to what I think is right without even consulting others and most of the time, I get into big trouble because of that. And the worst, I am a very lazy person. I am a self-proclaimed procrastinator by profession. It's so nice to be me. NOT.

In a group, I NEVER wanted to be a leader. I mean when it comes to the work load and the pressure, nah. I wouldn't dare. Being a leader is such a very hard position to fill in. You have to ensure that your members work and not just work, they have to do tasks assigned to them correctly. And you have to make sure that the output or the final product is according to what you guys planned it to be.

A leader should be open-minded and an optimist, characteristics that I do not posses. A leader should openly accept ideas and criticisms from the members and non-members of the group or else, the group might not function or work well. A leader should be an optimist, thinking that in every task that they do will surely be a success. It's ironic how I can think of these kinds of stuff while I haven't experienced it. That's just how great the human mind is, I guess.

Enough of that. I, as a member of a group or the society itself, lacks this sense of responsibility. I can't even take the blame for some misfortunes I caused, so yeah. Well technically, it's not that I lack it, because everyone has this 'sense of responsibility' but some people, like myself, just doesn't know how to utilize it, it's just that I am afraid of the outcome. I mean I am afraid of what will happen if ever I take the said responsibility. There are a lot of 'what if's' in my mind that I can't seem to avoid popping in. This is how much I do not trust myself. I do not trust my powers or capabilities to do something because I do not know the limit of what I can do. I mean, I do not know up to what percentage of something I cannot do. I expected myself to exert a 75% but sadly saying I can only do up to 50-60%. Just something like that.

And then again, my mind's clouded with so much thoughts. I don't know if this blog post is still sane. Hahaha! The hell. I'm hungry and I'm to lazy to go out and eat. ~*ofcourseyoudon'tcareboutthat*~ And I'll just have to end this randomly arranged post. And I do hope I made some sense here or else my efforts in typing will just be wasted. XD

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just remembered something irrelevant. Something about him. We fought over the same reason and I still haven't learned my lesson. Everything has a limit. Even Mathematics has limits. I guess that's something that I have to bear in mind.