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Chocolates and sweetness can make me smile and my idiocies help me escape boredom. Hell-come to Anne's euphoria. This blog is full of random posts, weirdness and insanity if you ask me.

There are people defying gravity.

nakakastress kasama ‘tong mga ‘to. / disiplina / friendship / Forgive / Awkward / Walang'ya / Oh good old times / I am going to fail my quiz in Math tomorrow / Ayaw ko na / I secretly love /

October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 May 2012 June 2012 August 2012
nakakastress kasama ‘tong mga ‘to. / Tuesday, August 28, 2012 @ 1:30 AM

Tambay sa lib with three of my blockmates, tropa. Sila-sila naman ‘yung magkakausap eh, ayoko silang kauasapin. O.o Hahaha! Parang ewan lang, parang naupo lang ako dito sa lib para mag-internet. Ang saya ko lang. :3

disiplina / Thursday, June 28, 2012 @ 4:01 AM

*Filipino post*

Ito yung dahilan kaya ayokong naiipon yung galit ko. Yung kapag galit ako, gusto kong may pinagkkwentuhan, or kahit ma-share ko lang ng pahapya yung problema at galit na nararamdaman ko. Kasi ako yung tipo ng tao na kayang magtimpi pero once na napuno na, kawawa yung taong masasaktuhan ko, lalo na kapag maamgas-angas ka lang din.

Feeling ko kanina, nauulit na naman yung childhood horrors ko. Feeling ko kanina lalamunin na naman ako ng lupa kasi sa sobrang panginginig ko. Alam mo bang napakatraumatic ng isang part ng kabataan ko? Yung part na dito lang sa bahay nangyayari. At kanina, mukhang naulit lang ulit. Hawak-hawak ko yung libro ko kanina at hinampas ko ‘yun sa mukha ng kapatid ko mahigit limang beses. Hindi ko alam, pero hindi ko napigilan yung sarili ko, liban sa sobrang galit na galit na ako sa kanya, inaangasan niya pa ako. Gago siya. Pero bago yun, sinisigaw-sigawan ko na siya, nakapagbitiw na ako ng mga salitang totoo, pero siguro, napakaoffensive. Tho wala akong paki kung offensive yun.

Habang ginagawa ko yun, nanginginig ako. Hindi siya yung panginginig sa sobrang galit, nanginginig ako kasi takot na takot ako. Kasi once na nangyari yung mga ganitong bagay, nung bata kami, ako yung laging nagugulpi, ako yung laging talo, ako yung laging may pinakamalaking damage na natanggap, at ako pa yung mapapagalitan ng parents ko kahit wala akong kasalanan talaga. Ayoko na mangyari ulit yung ganun, pero wala eh, nangyari na, liban dun sa masasaktan ako. Hindi gumanti yung kapatid ko eh, inangasan niya lang ako. Syempre nung bumalik na ko sa katinuan, wala, tinigil ko na, lumabas na ako ng kwarto. Alam niyo bang yung libro ko pa rin yung inaalala ko habang lumabas ako? Btw, yung reason pala kung bakit ako tumigil kasi baka lalong masira yung libro ko. Parang mga anak ko na kasi yung mga libro ko eh. Ganun sila kahalaga sa’kin. Kaya nung nawala yung libro ko kanina, parang feeling ko kinidnapan ako ng anak. Pasensya na kung mababaw, pero ganun lang talaga ako. Yung mga libro ko nalang naman yung nagbibigay sa’kin ng kaligayahan dito sa bahay eh. Yung suporta na kailangan ko, yung saya na hanap ko, sila na yung nagbibigay sa’kin. Ang stupid lang, pero kung kayo yung nas sitwasyon ko, ganun yung mararamdan niyo.

Napakafail ko. Kagabi, yan yung topic ng EVO day namin. DISIPLINA. Ang isang tao, dapat may disiplina sa kahit anong gagawin. Sabi nga ni ups Christian kagabi, “Okay na yung makakita ka ng away, kesa ikaw yung nakikipag-away.” Nakakahiya. Nakakahiya. Sobrang disappointed ako sa sarili ko kasi gusto kong magbago, pero asan ako? Wala, ‘di man lang umusog kahit konti sa kinalalagyan ko. Siguro pala umusog, pero paurong. Pabalik ako sa kabataan ko. Yung kabataan ko na sobrang kinasuklaman ko, yung kabataan kong sobra kong kinakatakutan.

friendship / Wednesday, June 27, 2012 @ 10:58 PM

Over the years, I learnt something valuable that helped me survive high school, and hopefully college. Friendship is one good thing to invest on. Gain friends. You don’t want to spend lunch times alone in the canteen/cafeteria of your school, you want to have someone to share you secrets and feelings to, you want to have someone whom you can laugh with, and you can have someone to help you in everyway. Indeed, friendship/having friends is important.

But in some point in time, there’ll be things to happen and you have to let go of these friends of yours. Yes, I’ve experienced this a lot. Do not hold on these friendships thinking that they’ll last forever. I mean thinking that they can stand the test of time isn’t bad, but do not attach yourself too much or you’ll just end up being hurt. Idk if this applies to everyone, but for me, it does. There’ll be a lot of challenges to face in life, some or most of them requires you to sacrifice. Do not be afraid of letting them go. Of course at first, it’ll be so hard, but as time pass, you’ll learn from that, and eventually, understand why those kind of things has to be done.

Forgive / Thursday, May 31, 2012 @ 6:21 PM
Asking for forgiveness and forgiving a person are two different things and yet the pain they cause to one's heart are of the same magnitude. Well honestly, this is an opinion coming from a very proud person, such as myself. For me, the thought of forgiveness gives me the chills. It makes me feel that I am defeated, and I hate the feeling of defeat. But then I started to realize one thing: the more pain and anger I keep in my heart, the more fragile and easily pierced it gets. I get teary-eyed easily, compared before. I often cry because of very shallow things. I tend to think of mean or evil things that can happen to a certain person. That's how corrupted a heart can get if there is no forgiveness that cleans and heals it.

As I was reading the article, a lot of things and people came in my mind. There are a lot of people whom I owe. A lot of people whom I must forgive, and ask forgiveness from. But there is a certain person, the reason for some droplets of tears falling from my eyes. We shared a once beautiful and simply amazing friendship but then, at some point in time, things got rusty and eventually crumble down. That's what happened. And the same time the lyrics of The Fray's How to Save a Life suddenly popped in my head. "Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness." In our situation, we are both wrong. I was hurt more, or so I thought. Aside for being too proud, I am also very insensitive. I always think that I am right and seldom think of other people's welfare. I cared less for what he feels, and that perhaps, is the reason for our major misunderstanding. This just proves that even though we are both wrong, what I did was worse. (I kind of realized this part a little bit too late.) After we fought, there was a 10-day interval before he started talking to me. Or rather, texting me again. He was the one to ask for forgiveness, although I think I was mainly at fault, and I just wasted that one chance for forgiving him. I was so stupid. Forgive the word, but it really describes me that time. I was still clouded by anger and frustration so my thoughts aren't clear. That time he still haven't showed me the other side of the coin, his side. But as he did, I was sobbing hard. Took me long enough to feel my mistakes. And I realized something. I miss him. The laughs we shared, the tears I shed for him and his for me. I miss how he makes me laugh all the time. I miss those happy times. And because of these selfish reasons, I wanted to forgive him and to ask him to forgive me, as well. Even though whatever we had before can't be fully restored, as long as the friendship is still there, it is fine by me. And yet there is still that proud part of my brain that does not want to agree with whatever I wish for. But then again, like love, forgiveness is a decision. If I want to, I can remove that proud part of mine because I do not like deciding things half-heartedly.

The last thing and yet the most significant realization or further knowledge that I acquired while reading the article is that forgiveness can lighten up everyone. The feeling of happiness that a person feels after forgiving someone or has asked forgiveness can influence other people, like how anger can affect others. If everyone can just start forgiving each other then the negativity or the poison in our hearts can be reduced or perhaps disperse. Proud, insensitive and not to mention pessimistic people like me will not bear the heavy burden of pain in our hearts anymore and perhaps live a more happier and stress-free and frustration-less life. Random as it may seem, it is just how everything appeared in my perspective.
Awkward / @ 6:21 PM
Magkatext kami ngayon. Nakakapanibago, sobra. Parang balik sa dati kami magkatext, yung strangers ulit. Napansin niya rin pala, in fact, siya pa yung nagtanong. Bakit daw ganun. Ang weird na daw namin magkatext. Kasi kahit umagang-umaga pa yan, panay tawa na kami magkatext, hindi ganito.

Nasa 'kin yung mali, alam ko. Kaso hindi ko alam kung pano ko aayusin. Bobo kasi ako sa mga ganitong bagay eh. Sabi ko sa sarili ko bago ako matulog, itetext ko na talaga, papansinin ko na talaga. Pinapansin ko nga pero parang may nag-iba. Siguro inaantay ko lang talaga ulit na magsorry siya. Para magkaroon ako ng chance na magsorry din. Hindi ko kasi kaya yung out of the blue na pagsosorry, nakakatanga.

One things for sure, I really like him. Nakakastupid mang aminin, pero feeling ko in like pa rin pala ako sa kanya. All these time akala ko wala na. Pareho lang pala kami ni Czar. Pilit naming pinapaniwala yung sarili namin pero in fact, meron pa. Ang lakas pa ng loob kong mang-away, manermon at mamuna. Ganun rin pala ako. Siguro, ayoko lang talaga ng ganitong feeling. Labanan, at iwasan ang peg ko ngayon, pero magagawa ko lang yun kapag nawala na yung weird feeling. Kasi the more na may weird feeling, the more na naiilang akong itext, nahihirapan ako mag-isip ng itetext.
Walang'ya / @ 10:21 AM
Puro pagdadrama nalang alam kong gawin sa buhay. Tangina.

Tss. Sige, matutulog nalang po ako. Mukhang ayaw mo pa din ako kausapin eh. Goodnight.

Alam mo yung feeling na gusto kong pilitin mo ako, yung gusto kong mag-effort ka pa kahit konti? Yun lang naman eh. Konting pagpilit pa para lang malaman ko na nagsosorry ka talaga, na sincere ka sa pagsosorry mo. Leche. Ewan ko. Putragis. Ang labo talaga mag-isip ng mga babae, tanga naman kayong mga lalaki at hindi niyo maintindihan. Ang sakit-sakit. Alam mo parang pinagtatabuyan mo lang ako lalo diyan sa sinabi mo. Hindi mo ako binibigyan ng time, parang ayaw mo lang ako kausapin ulit eh.

Simula nung naging magkakilala kami ni best friend, nagiging iyakin ako. Nung nakipagbreak ako ng frienship sa kanya, akala ko hindi na ako iiyak ulit, punye. Alam mo bang pinatotohanan mo na yung panaginip ko?
Oh good old times / Saturday, May 5, 2012 @ 6:40 AM
Mahirap mawala yung mga bagay na nakasanayan na. Mangyari man, tangina nalang. Sobrang masakit yun.
Just something I tweeted a while ago. Hindi talaga maiiwasan na yung mga bagay-bagay na nawala noo’y hanap-hanapin natin ngayon lalo na kapag naging mahalaga ito, or nagkaroon ng espesyal na parte sa puso mo. Aminado ako nung mga panahong katext ko siya, masaya ako. Sa kanya umikot mundo ko. Halos araw-araw kaming magkatext, kapag nagmayaman kami, tatawagan ko siya, or tatawagin niya ako or kapag nagkaabot kaming online at hindi bangag, sa Skype kami or TinyChat, kakantahan niya pa ako.

 Ewan ko ba, masyado akong nawili sa presensya niya na hindi ko aakalaing mawawala siya sakin. Ang tanga ko nga eh. Lagi ko sinasabi na, nothing in this world is permanent, ako pa yung nakalimot. Ang laki-laki kong tanga for believing in his promises. Walang iwanan? Fuck. Eto na naman ako, naninisi kahit alam kong ako yung mali, pero bakit ba, apketado ako eh. Apektado pa rin ako hanggang ngayon habang siya, para bang wala nangyari. Gaguhan.

 Sa totoo lang, nagsasawa na ako magblog ng ganito eh. Pero wala eh. Ang sakit talaga sa damdamin. Sobra. Kasi hanggang ngayon, pinanghahawakan ko pa rin talaga yung promise na yan. Yung kahit wala na, umaasa pa rin talaga kong maayos lahat pero syempre hindi na kasi ayoko na. Tangina, ang labo ko kausap. Hahaha! Oy btw, wag kayong issue. Wala akong boyfriend. Nawalan lang talaga ako ng sobrang pinaka bestfriend sa mundo. Yung tanging tao na akala ko hindi ako tatraydurin, siya pa pala mismo yung magtatraydor sakin. Pero okay na rin to. At least bago kami magkita nun sa personal, alam ko na ugali niya. Everything is never as it seems nga naman. Yung drama naming bestfriend na hindi nakikita, hindi rin pala magwowork-out. Peste. Para akong nakipagbreak na ewan eh. Hahaha! Boo.

Akala ko kapag inalala ko ulit yun, hindi na ako maiiyak. Akala ko immune na ko. Per putcha, pati sando ko basa na eh. Lalo pa kong sinisipon nito, tapos hirap na naman akong huminga. Hindi lang sa barado ilong ko, okay? Pero at least maganda na rin to once in a while. Tao pa rin naman ako. Nasasaktan pa rin pala.

Yung sinabi ko sayo na ikaw palang yung nagpapaiyak sakin, congrats, wala pang pinagbago. 

 Yay. Ang drama ko.
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